


It's A Wonderful Fucking Life, Mickey Milkovich

by sleepyfaceandsnark (teamwinchesterbros)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Holiday, Hurt/Comfort, It's a Wonderful Life, M/M, Suicide, Thoughts of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:47:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2693522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamwinchesterbros/pseuds/sleepyfaceandsnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Christmas and something terrible happens making Mickey think his family would be better off without him. An angel decides to show Mickey what life would be like if this were true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Disastrous Christmas Eve

> It’s Christmas Eve 2017 and Mickey is fucked. He’s fucked badly.
> 
> He tries to pull off a legitimate business for once and his fuckehead of a brother goes off and loses all the goddamn money. Every fucking cent they had earned the past few months and saved up to start this place and to make a fucking decent living. Fuck! All Colin needed to do was deliver the fucking money to the fucking bank. That’s it! But fuck no. And now he’s looking at going to jail himself on bank fraud, extortion, and a bunch of other shit they could get him for.
> 
> Extortion. Mickey has to laugh. He hadn’t done that shit in years and now he’s getting accused of it? Just when he- well when he thought he has everything finally going right for him. And now if Mickey goes to jail he can’t help pay for Ian’s meds and therapy he still needs and if- shit. This is what he gets for trying to do good. Fuck. He’s fucked.
> 
> Mickey never had good Christmases as a child but this had to be the shitiest one.
> 
>  
> 
> “What do you mean you don’t have the fucking money!” Mickey is yelling in Colin’s face, panicking.
> 
> “I-I don’t. I don’t have it, Mickey.”
> 
> Mickey breathes in, trying to calm down. “Well if it’s not here and it’s not in the bank where is it?”
> 
> “I don’t know. I had it, man. I swear I did and then-“
> 
> “And then you didn’t?”
> 
> “Yeah.”
> 
> Mickey breathes in deeply. “Jesus did you, I don’t know, retrace your steps or something?”
> 
> “Just-just briefly.”
> 
> “Well fuck come on then. Maybe we’ll be lucky and someone turned it in or … something.”  _Yeah right._ Mickey thinks to himself.  _What fucking life have you been living?_ But he was desperate.
> 
>  
> 
> He follows Colin everywhere he told Mickey he went that morning. Everywhere from Tommy’s Hot Dogs to The Alibi to the bank. Nothing. They go back to the Milkovich house, which had been Terry-less for almost 2 years and Svetlana moved out with her girlfriend a few months ago. They search every corner of the house until there’s not one space they haven’t uncovered. The sun has gone down an hour ago and Mickey has lost his mind.
> 
> “Where is it you piece of shit!” He grabs Colin by the collar forcefully. His grip tightens on the clothing as Colin’s hands clasp around Mickey’s in fear. “Where is it!” He yell louder.
> 
> “I don’t- I don’t know.”
> 
> “All you had to do was bring it to the fucking bank! That’s it!”
> 
> “I know, Mickey. I swear I didn’t mean to.”
> 
> “You didn’t mean- I’ll tell you what happens now. What happens is they’re going to get us on bank fraud and any number of other shit.” Mickey throws Colin against the wall letting go of his brother. “One of us is going to jail!” He yells. “Well it’s not going to be me,” he says pointing to himself. “Not again!”
> 
> He storms out of the Milkovich home leaving his brother alone hanging his head in shame.
> 
>  
> 
> He goes to the Gallagher house where most of his shit still is. See him and Ian had bought a place together. They were really fucking excited about that but well…
> 
> Mickey walks past some packed and half packed boxes. He looks through one of them labeled papers which consist mostly of pictures of him and Ian. “I’m so sorry.” He says to one of the pictures.  He gets up putting what he wanted in his pocket.
> 
> “Hey, Mickey.”
> 
> He hears a voice when he walks back downstairs. It’s Debbie.
> 
> “Did you bring the Christmas wreath?”
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “The Christmas wreath. Ian said you were bringing it by for the party later tonight.”
> 
> “Oh…no. No I must’ve left at ...work or something.”
> 
> “Oh that’s okay. I’ll just get the one from the attic.”
> 
> Mickey turns to go to the door. “Where’s your coat?” Debbie asks.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “Your coat. It’s freezing out there.”
> 
> “Oh I don’t know. I must’ve left it…”
> 
> “Upstairs? I’ll go get it.”
> 
> “No no…at work or somewhere.”
> 
> “You came here without a coat.”
> 
> “Yeah I guess so.” Mickey turns to leave again.
> 
> “Well wait I’ll just grab one of Ian’s old ones.”
> 
> “No, no it’s okay. I just-I got to go.”
> 
> “Well where you going so rushed?”
> 
> “I have to umm take care of something. Can you tell Ian I- Well just…Never mind.” Mickey says exiting before Debbie has the chance to stop him again.
> 
> Mickey decides to stop at The Alibi for maybe one last drink…or two…or three.
> 
> “See this fuckin thing?” Mickey slurs holding up a piece of paper in Kevin’s face. “Says I’m better off alive than dead. Isn’t that just fuckin hilarious?” Mickey puts the paper back in his pocket. “Though I don’t need a fucking piece of paper to tell me that.” Mickey takes another swig of his drink. "I already knew"
> 
> Kevin looks at him worried. He goes over and whispers to the other bartender working with him “Call Ian. Get him down here. Something’s not right.”
> 
> He moves back to Mickey taking his empty glass.  “Mick, hey, why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you. I’m sure we can work something out.”
> 
> “Nah. Nah. Don’t need to take down more with me. I’ll uh see you later, Kev.” Mickey starts to get up off his stool.
> 
> “No, Mickey wait…Stay for a little bit.” Kevin tries to stall.
> 
> “I gotta go. Something I should do.”
> 
> “Mickey, hey hold on.” Kevin moves out from behind the counter, moving towards Mickey. “Wait for Ian to get here. He can walk home with you. ”
> 
> “Not going home.”
> 
> “It’s Christmas Eve. Where do you have to go?”
> 
> Mickey places the bills to pay for his drinks on the counter and moves to the door.
> 
> “Mickey wait!” Kevin calls out but Mickey slams the door behind him. “Shit.”
> 
> “Should we call the cops?” One of the patrons asks.
> 
> “No. I don’t know if they’re what he’s running from or not. Just call everyone we know. Tell them to look for him.”
> 
> “I just got off the phone with Ian,” the other bartender says. “Says Colin called. They lost a shitton of money on the business Mickey was building. Colin went to put it in the bank but it never got there.”
> 
> “Fuck.” Kevin says.
> 
> “Someone jump him?” The same bar patron asks
> 
> “Jump a Milkovich? Unless they had a death wish.”
> 
> “What then?”
> 
> The bartender shrugs.
> 
> “Shit. Alright. Call Ian back tell him Mickey ran out of here 5 minutes ago. He’ll know where to find him before any of us do probably.” Kev orders his employee who nods and does as he is told.
> 
> “What do you think Mickey’s gonna do?”
> 
> “I don’t know, man. But something doesn’t feel right.” Kevin says, looking towards the door where Mickey just disappeared from. 

  
  



	2. Angels and Bad Wishes

 

Mickey’s not a praying man. He’s never done it in his life but he figures why the fuck not it’s Christmas Eve maybe if there was a God he’ll help him out. Just this once. Just this fucking once. Mickey treks on through the snow, wrapping his arms tightly around himself to keep warm. He looks up to the dark sky and starts his first try praying. He doesn’t really know the formalities just the cross thing that he saw in that one Boondock something movie he used to watch all the time.

 _God. Or whatever it is you like to be called. Lord? I don’t…really know. Just- just please God. Just this once just. Please, help me. I swear I’ll never ask again I- just please. Please help me. I don’t want to be a fuck up anymore._ Mickey grips his hair and lets his hand fall to the back of his neck.

“Hey yo, Milkovich!” A voice calls. Mickey turn to the sound and is greeted with a solid punch in the face that knocks Mickey on the ground.

“The fuck?”

“That’s from steeling from my dad you asshole.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s Sam. Sam Bailey. Nick’s son.”

Mickey stares at the guy not knowing what he was talking about and then had a sudden dawn of realization. “Fuck…” Mickey mumbles.

“Yeah.”

“We didn’t steal from him dipshit. He owed us money.” That lands Mickey another punch in the face.

“Come on, Sam let’s go.” Sam’s friend pushes him along before deciding to kick Mickey as well causing him to fall further into the snow. Sam spits by Mickey as he passes.

Mickey groans and gets back up on his knees. “It was 2 fucking years ago asshole.” Mickey yells towards where the boys left. It wasn’t even him that did the deal that day anyway, it was Iggy. Mickey looks up to the sky and shakes his head. _So much for praying._ He thinks.

He gets up and continues walking. Before he knows it he’s wandered to the L and is looking over the railing letting the morbid thought of the fall would probably break his legs but not kill him. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens his text messages. He stands there for a while his phone in his cold hands. He opens the contact labeled Ian and types his message. _I’m sorry. I love you. ~~Goodbye.~~ _ He stands there just staring at it. His eyes water and he squeezes them shut.

“Fuck,” he says sniffling. He goes to press send but his phone starts beeping and shuts off. The battery dying. “Fuck!” He yells throwing the phone down towards the L tracks, hearing it smash against the railings. He walks toward where his phone disappeared. _Well there’s an even more fucked up though, Mickey._ He thinks to himself. _Throw you dumbass in front of the fucking train._ He laugh to himself sarcastically but then he stops. He considers it, thinks it through. _It’ll work out for the better_ he believes.  He approaches the tracks and looks over.

“What are you doing?” A voice says behind him.

“The fuck?” Mickey turns around sharply.

“What are you doing?” The person in front of him asks again. Their blonde hair cut a little longer than Mickey’s but styled back in a way that reminded him of those old movies Ian made him watch sometimes.

“The fuck you care?” Mickey answers back.

“I care.” The man says. “I care a lot.”

“Well you mind not? I kinda want to be alone.” Mickey says and turns away from the man.

“I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

“What the fuck’s your problem dude?” Mickey moves back around and closer to the guy’s face.

“I can’t let you kill yourself, Mickey.” The man says.

“Kill myself? The fuck you talking about?”

The man walks over to Mickey and looks over the tracks. “Is that not what you were going to do? Jump here?”

“No…” Mickey turns away.

“You were thinking it, though, weren’t you?” The man stares at Mickey. His bright blue eyes that rivaled Mickey’s own stare back at him.

“Excuse me?” Mickey’s eyebrows raise. “Where the fuck do you come off saying this shit to me and how the fuck do you know my name?” Mickey’s getting angry the man steps back a little.

“Oh I know a lot about you, Mickey Milkovich. I know you were thinking about jumping just now but then thought one of your father’s guns would be easier.”

“Fuck off.” Mickey turns to leave.

“I know when you were in the 1st grade you wanted to be a fireman. Dressed up as one and everything.”

“What are you some kind of stalker?” Mickey asks.

“No.”

“Private investigator?”

“Ha no, no.”

“Psychic then? Oh that’s just great. I have a fucking psychic stalking me.”

“No I’m not a psychic.”

“Well then you’re just a fantastic guesser.”

The man sighs. “Well no. Not really.” Mickey rubs his eyes. “I’m your guardian angel.” Mickey stops and pulls his hand away from his face.

“You what?”

“I’m your guardian angel.” The man says more confidently. “James.” The man holds out his hand.

Mickey looks away and rubs his temples. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is Kevin putting in these drinks?”

James, Mickey’s guardian angel, laughs. “It’s not the drinks, it’s true. I know everything about you. I’ve been watching you your whole life.”

“Yeah okay. Sure, sure.” Mickey stares at the man wide-eyed.

"Hey your mouth's bleeding," James says taking a reach for Mickey's face. Mickey slaps it away.

"Yeah got in fight. Answer to a fucking prayer." He touches the cut and winces slightly.

"That wasn't the answer to your prayer. I am." James points to himself.

Mickey looks at James carefully. “If you’re an angel then where are your fucking wings?”

“Oh I haven’t gotten my wings yet. That’s why I’m here.”

“Oh right, right.” Mickey nods like that’s the most normal thing he’s ever heard. There’s a long silence and Mickey thinks to leave again.

“Now why do you think killing yourself is the only way?” James interrupts Mickey’s decision.

Mickey scoffs and looks away.

“Do you really think that would be best? Do you really think no one will mourn your loss? That it wouldn’t kill them to have you gone?” James goes on.

“Nah. I guess you’re right.”

James smiles like he’s accomplished something.

“Suppose it’d just be better if I was never born.”

James looks at Mickey shocked. “Oh no. No you can’t say that.”

“Well I’m fucking right, aren’t I?” Mickey looks at James scowling. “Everyone would be better off.”

“No.” the angel says then looks up to the sky. “Well I could…Are you sure?”

Mickey watches James as he talks to seemingly no one.  _What the fuck have I gotten myself into?_ Mickey thinks.

“...but what if he?...no no oh…that could work…yes…okay.”

Mickey looks at the man almost scared.

“Alright Mr. Milkovich.” James says turning back to Mickey. “You have never been born.”


	3. Never Been Born

A sudden strong blow of wind comes over around them almost knocking Mickey to the ground. James doesn’t move.

“Christ,” Mickey says holding his arms closer to his chest in an attempt to protect him from the rush of cold wind. He rubs his jaw. “That’s weird.” Mickey says as he continues to rub.

“What’s that?” James asks.

“My jaw. It’s always been sore since I broke it in a fight I got into a few years ago. Now I don’t feel anything.”

“That’s because you never broke your jaw,” James says. “Because you were never alive to do so.”

Mickey rolls his eyes. “It’s probably the cold. Numbed my face.” He starts to walk away.

“Where are you going?” James calls after him.

“To get another fucking drink. Maybe ask Kevin to not put LSD in it this time.”

James walks with Mickey.

“You don’t need to follow me, man.”

“Yes I do I’m you guardian-“

“You’re my guardian angel right. I forgot.” Mickey says sarcastically.

“Mhmm.”

They walk together much to Mickey’s disliking.

“Mickey?” James asks after a few minutes.

Mickey grunts in response.

“What’s an LSD and why would you put it in a drink?”

“It’s a mind altering drug.”

“Mind altering…hmm. Is it fun?”

“Can be.”

“Interesting.”

Mickey stops and stares at James. “You are a fucking strange person you know that?’

“Not strange.” James corrects. “Just come from a different time.”

“Oh yeah? And when’s that?” Mickey sighs deciding to play along since the asshole clearly wasn’t going to leave him alone.

“Well I was born in 1919.”

Mickey shakes his head. “Well hey, man. You don’t look half bad for being in your 90’s”

“I’m not in my 90’s. I died in 1945. I’m 26.”

Goddamn Mickey’s gonna need 10 more drinks in him to save him from this guy’s insanity.

“Right well here we are.” Mickey says approaching the doors of the Alibi. Though it looked different than it had previously. Must be the drugs.

Mickey pushes open the door, ignoring the odd sign near the bar.

The bar was loud as usual but something was off. The atmosphere was different. And for Christmas eve there were a ton of people. Mickey figured people would at least give Kevin some sort of break giving that it was Christmas and he did have to little girls.

Mickey sits down at the bar and slaps his hand on the table.

“Shot, Kev!” Mickey calls out.

Kevin walks over to the yelling man and gives him a blank stare.

“Don’t hit the counter.”

“What?”

“The counter. Don’t hit it.”

“The fuck you talking about don’t hit the counter it’s just a counter.”

“Hitting the counter I worked so hard to keep clean is for paying customers only.”

“Paying customers- fuck I pay every goddamn time I’m in here.”

“Well I’ve never fucking seen you in here in my goddamned life so according to me you’re not a fucking customer.”

“What the fuck you talking about, Kev?”

“And that’s another thing, where do you go off calling me ‘Kev’.”

“Well that’s your fucking name isn’t it?”

“Yeah but I don’t know you from fuck all.”

“The fuck are you on about I’m in here almost every day. I fucking worked with you for almost 2 years. And V-“

“You know my wife?”

“What? Of course I do. And your kids-”

“You know where she is?”

“No. Wouldn’t you know that?”

“Look asshole. I haven’t seen my wife in months. She took the kids with her. Probably living with her mother or something.”

“What? She was in here yesterday-“

Kevin gets really close to Mickey, intimidating. “You gonna order something or you just gonna sit here talking nonsense all night?”

Mickey leans back on his stool away from the bar owner slightly.

“Cause if that’s that case I’m going to _kindly_ ask you to leave.” Kevin said not so kindly as he pointed to two large men in the corner of the room.

Mickey sighs “Just uhh give me a shot of whiskey.”

“Sure thing.” Kevin says mockingly. “Your friend here?” Kevin asks for James’ order.

“I’ll have a um Bellini. No wait an  El Diablo. No, no. Ah I’ll have a Frozen Da-“

“Look here,” Kevin leans over the counter, his face close to James’. “We sell alcohol here for men that want to get drunk fast. So if you want to order some fruity complicated drink you’ll have more luck somewhere else.”

“Kev look no it’s fine,” Mickey nudges Kevin slightly away from James. “He’ll just have a beer.” Mickey nods.

“Fine.” Kevin pulls away and pour the beer, putting it loudly on the counter some of it sloshing out of the glass.

It’s then that someone comes in and everyone starts getting rowdy. Mickey turns to see but can’t because of everyone getting up from their seats to harass whoever just entered.

“What is that? A fucking Milkovich?” Kevin yells above the crowd in wonder. Mickey turns to him thinking maybe finally the fuckhead knew who he was but when he turned Kevin was looking out at the crowd. “A Milkovich outta jail!” Kevin yells louder “Hey come over here I got something for ya.”

Kevin grabs a water hose and sprays it at the approaching person, laughing manically as he does so.

 _Wait a minute._ Mickey squints his eyes. _No way._

“Wait, fuck.” Mickey gets up to the man that had been sprayed. “Colin!”

Mickey grabs him. “Colin. It’s me! It’s Mickey.”

Colin stares at Mickey terrified.

“Why are you looking at me like that? I know you.”

“No. No.” Colin says trying to get Mickey off of him.

“I’m your fucking brother, Colin. How could you not know me?”

“No!” Colin shouts and pushes Mickey away. He runs out the door.

“What the fuck?” Mickey turns to James who shrugs in an almost ‘I told you so’ manner.

“See that’s another reason I don’t like you.” Kevin says to Mickey.

Mickey turns to him.

“You hang around trash like that. Whole family’s a bunch of devil’s rejects. Full of murderers and drug fiends. If you know him you must be one yourself.”

Mickey was about to interrupt but considering he had just witnessed his own brother not know who he was he didn’t argue.

“Now why don’t you finish up your drinks and get the fuck out of my bar?”

Another bar patron  pays for his drink as Mickey finishes his and James sips on his beer some . The ring of the cash register is heard.

“Ah hear that, “ James says.

“What?”

“Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. Must’ve been Ralph. Man he was waiting on those.”

Kevin stares at them, hearing the whole thing.

“Alright that’s it. You take your boyfriend here and find someplace else.”

“Boyfriend, hey hold on-“

Kevin motions with his finger for the two bodyguards and they make  their way over.

“Alright, alright we’re going.” Mickey gets up and nudges James.

“But I haven’t finished my-“

“Nevermind your beer let’s go.”

Mickey and James leave, the body guards giving Mickey a large shove out the door.

“What the fuck was that?” Mickey says staring up at the exterior of the bar. He looks up and finally notices the sign.

“The fuck?” Mickey looks over it. “Kevin’s? This is the fucking Alibi.”

“Not anymore. Not here.”

“What do you mean? Something’s not right. Why was Kevin acting like that? And Colin he didn’t recognize me.”

“That’s what it’s like if you’ve never been born.”

“What do you mean never been born I have-“ Mickey goes into his pockets looking for his wallet.

“It’s not there.” James says. “You don’t have a driver’s license. Fake or real. You have no credit cards. No business cards.”

Mickey then looks in his other pocket for the picture he put in it earlier today.

“That’s not there either.” James says knowingly.

“Something’s not right. Either I’m going fucking crazy or he is.” Mickey says pointing to the bar doors. “Or you are.” He says turning back to James.

James laughs. “It isn’t me.”

“Alright well I’ll just find someone that’ll know what to do.”

Mickey starts walking off.

“Where is that?” James asks, following..

“I’m not fucking telling you.” _Mickey figures if James or whoever he is doesn’t know where he’s going ahead of time he won’t be able to hypnotize him into seeing weird things again._

“I’m not a hypnotist,” James says. Almost as if he was reading Mickey’s mind.

“Right. Angel. Got it.” Mickey answers as they carry on to their next destination.


	4. My Sister Has No Keeper

Mickey ditches James at one point. Claiming that he needed a pack of cigarettes and then exiting out the back door. It takes James maybe a little too long to figure it out. He makes his way over to where he knows Mickey is because well he is an angel. 2nd class angel maybe but an angel nonetheless.

“You’re not going to make this easy are you?” James asks looking up at the sky.

“What? No I barely had a drink.” He yells at the unseen being. “A sip or two won’t kill me,” He laughs.

 

Mickey climbs up the steps of the house. His movement on each step instinctual since he’s been doing it since he could walk. He bangs on the door first somewhat quietly and then louder and more erratically.

The door is opened quickly and the person who opens it stares curiously at Mickey.

“Can-can I help you?”

“Mandy!” Mickey yells.

Mandy looks at Mickey, uneasy. Her face sporting a bruised cheek and a cut on her lip.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Mickey asks almost smiling. Mandy had made it out of the southside a year ago. Met a nice, wealthy, guy. Started a clothes business. She is doing really well for herself. Even tried sending Mickey money to help out but he wouldn’t take it. Told her she earned it.  She hadn’t been back to their old neighborhood in a few months.

“Do I…know you?” she asks. Her voice way softer than Mickey is used to.

Mickeys smile disappears “Yes you fucking know me. Look Mandy I-,“ Mickey gets closer to his sister but she backs away and starts closing the door. Mickey stops moving towards her and sighs.

“Look if you don’t’ want to talk to me could you at least get Iggy?”

“Iggy?”

“Yeah he here?”

Mandy shakes her head slowly.

“You-you know Iggy?”

“Of course I do,” Mickey says, frustrated. “I bumped into Colin but he didn’t know who the fuck I was. Probably drunk or some shit.” Mandy looks at Mickey wide eyed.

“Something’s going on, Mandy. I…I need help.”

“You know Iggy?” She repeats.

“Yes. I said that. Where is he? He here?”

“Man that fucker’s dead. Got shot down by the cops or some shit.” A man approaches the doorway, tall towering over Mandy. He has light brown hair but eyes like the devil and looked like he used to be a linebacker in high school or college.   “Colin’s been in jail for 5 years. Though he’s probably out now. But none of those fucks live here anymore right, babe?” The man drops an arm over Mandy’s shoulder causing her to flinch and wince slightly.

“If you know them two you must be a fuckup yourself.”

“W-What’d he do?” Mickey asks Mandy. Ignoring what the the man with her was saying _. His brother was dead? His brother was fucking dead? This is so fucked up. This isn’t funny anymore._

“Killed a dude. Was the wrong guy or some shit. Got caught. Tried to run away. Got shot instead. Who gives a fuck?” The man says now removing his arm from around Mandy and crosses his arms.

Mickey gets closer to Mandy and grabs her shoulders. “Mandy please. Let me in in. Just keep me here till whatever the fuck is going on goes away.” Mandy is now terrified and tries to get Mickey’s hands off of her.

“Mandy who is this motherfucker?” The man says pointing in Mickey’s direction.

“I…I don’t know.” Mandy’s voice is shaky on the verge of crying.

“What?” Mickey looks at Mandy in disbelief.

“I’d like you to get the fuck off my porch.” The man says to Mickey standing in front of Mandy now.

“Mandy?” He looks behind the large man in front of him.

“Get the phone!” The guy yells at her. She doesn’t move. “Get the fucking phone, bitch!” The guy yells at her. She listens and hurriedly makes her way to a phone.

“Don’t fucking talk to her like that.” Mickey defends his sister whether she remembered him as being her brother or not.

“I can talk to her however the fuck I want. Now get the fuck off my porch.”

Mickey doesn’t move.

Mandy hands the phone to the guy. He dials and holds the phone up to his ear.

“Hey yeah. I need the police.- Yeah some crazy fuck is on my property. Won’t fucking leave. -Yeah, yeah well if you don’t get here soon I’m going to take matters into my own hands. -Well see then you going to waste my time by making me call to send an ambulance when you shoulda been here on time.- okay good- thank you- bye-“ He hands the phone back to Mandy. “Wait here.” He says as he leaves the doorframe.

“Please go. I don’t want any trouble.”

“Mandy just let me come in for a second.”

“If you don’t leave soon he’s going to grab the gun.”

Mickey backs out away from the door. “Please I need help.”

Mandy closes the door quickly as soon as Mickey is out of the way of the door. “Mand-“ He tries to get out before the door closes in his face. “Fuck,” he says rubbing his head.

He walks down the steps. He starts to hear sirens in the distance but his body fails to be in fight of flight mode so he just stands there in what was once his yard. It’s not until Mickey sees the lights on their cars that he figures escaping being arrested was a better idea. Mickey takes a run for it. He weaves in and out of houses even when he’s well aware he’s far enough away. He keeps running until he almost bumps into someone.

“Oh shit.” He gasps out, trying to catch his breath.

“Mickey!”

Mickey looks up in awe and hope. Did someone finally recognize him in this fucked up world?

“Found you.”

Mickey slumps down when he realizes who it is. “Fuck I thought I lost you.”

“You can’t lose me. I’m your guard-“

“Angel. Right.”

“Yes.” James smiles.

Mickey sighs. “This is,” He looks around him. “This is so fucked up.”

“Yeah,” James says sympathetically.

“What is this place?” Mickey asks.

“I told you. This is what life is like if you were never born.”

“Right, right sure.” Mickey starts to walk off in the direction he came.

“Where are you going now?” James asks.

“Gallagher house.” Mickey answers. Figures he might as well trust James now. What does he have to lose.

“What for?”

“To get Ian. Quit asking stupid questions.”

“He’s not going to be there,” James says knowingly.

“Whatever.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Well if he’s not fucking there then I’ll get Debbie. She was the last person I talked to besides Kev. Maybe she can’t break this curse or whatever the fuck this shit is.”

“It’s not a curse. It’s real.”

“Sure, man. Sure.” He pats James on the shoulder and walks in front of him, leading the way.

James sighs and tentatively follows.


	5. Bizarro Gallaghers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey tries to go to the Gallagher's to find some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bizarro is in Superman and he's like the opposite of Superman in every way. I used that for that not because they're "weird"

Mickey finds his way to his other home. He approaches the Gallagher door and knocks frantically. There’s no wreath on the door or lights on the porch which Mickey feels is odd but his thoughts are soon interrupted when the door opens.

“Can I help you?” Fiona stands in front of him, face tired and more worn than Mickey remembered.

Mickey shakes his head. “Yeah uh your brother here?”

Fiona moves her head behind her and yells, “Lip! One of your crack dealers is here!”

“What? No.” Mickey denies her assumption. Fiona looks at Mickey brow furrowed.

“Look is uhh Debbie or Carl here or something.” _Mickey still going on the hope that Debbie being the last person he saw could get him out of this shit._

Fiona stands up straight and crosses her arms. “You want Carl? Go visit him in juvie. As for Debbie I couldn’t tell you.”

“You don’t know where Debbie is?”

“Why you one of her boyfriends?”

“What?”

“I’m sure she’ll be home at some point tonight so you can wait out here.”

“I’m not one her boy-“

Fiona starts to close the door.

“Wait!” Mickey holds his hand out to stop the door from closing. Fiona pulls the door back and waits for Mickey’s reasoning on stopping her.

“Look can I please just come in. I’m freaking the fuck out here I don’t know-“

“Not my problem.” Fiona says.

“Fiona please just let me in?”

“Look here asshole. I don’t know who the fuck you are but you need to get away from this house.”

“You know me.” Mickey says desperately.

“Oh yeah and how is that?”

Mickey swallows, looks around, and blurts out his response. “Ian!”

Fiona’s face immediately softens sadly. “Ian?”

“Yes,” Mickey nods eagerly.

“You know him?” Fiona asks, apparently not believing Mickey.

“Of course I do!”

“Then where the fuck is he?’

“What? What do you mean where is he? He’s home.”

Fiona rolls her eyes and stares at Mickey. “Oh really. And when did you see him last?”

“Fuck. This morning.”

Fiona’s eyes grow angry and she grabs hold of the door again. “I haven’t seen my brother in years so either you’re messing with us as a sick joke or you’re delusional yourself. Either way you need to get the fuck off my property.”

“Fiona wait-!” The door is slammed in Mickey’s face. Mickey runs down the Gallagher stairs and turns to James.

“The fuck does she mean she hasn’t seen Ian in _years_?”

James shrugs.

“What the fuck does she mean Ian hasn’t been home in years!?” Mickey moves closer to James, furious and scared.

“Ian ran away one day, joined the army, never came home,” James says

“What the fuck do you mean? He was gone for a few months but he came home.”

“No he didn’t.” James says. “He never came home because no one was there to help him do so”

“That’s a fucking lie!” Mickey yells. “He came home, he got better, he became a-“

James shakes his head sadly. “He never did any of those things. You were never alive to come save him and bring him home. You were never alive to encourage him to get help, you were never there to love him because you were never born.”

Mickey looks down at the ground, breathing heavily. He looks up desperately at James. “Where is he?”

James looks down ashamed. “I uh I can’t tell you that.”

“You what?”

“I can’t tell you where he is.”

Mickey grabs James’ collar. “You listen to me you crazy piece of shit either you tell me where the fuck Ian is in this acid dream you have me on or I swear to God I’ll-“

“Alright, alright,” James holds up his hands. “Boystown.”

Mickey drops his hold on James. “Fairytale?”

James looks down sadly. “No…”

Mickey runs past the Gallagher house to find a way to get to Boystown as fast as he could as James follows behind him.   


	6. Where is Ian Gallagher?

They make their way to the part of Boystown James had directed Mickey to. The place makes Fairytale look like a North-sider’s church. Mickey’s pretty sure one could get an STD just by walking in the place.

“Shit,” Mickey says to James. “This fucking place makes where Ian used to work look classy.” He turns to James. “What? You’re telling me he works _here_?’’

“No,” James says sadly.

Mickey looks at him confused. “What then? Why the fuck you bring me here?”

James turns slowly and points to the corner farthest away from them.

Mickey squints in the direction and walks over apprehensively.

“I don’t under-“

“Just go. Look for yourself.”

Mickey rolls his eyes and walks over to the street corner. There’s a crowd of guys huddled in a corner laughing at something.

“Look at this used up twink,” Mickey hears one of the men say. Mickey always hated that work.

“Ha this sad fuck has probably blown more guys then you’ve looked at.” Another says.

“Haha probably.” They all laugh.

Mickey’s still not aware why James brought him over here. Ian was nowhere in sight.

“Please?” A small voice says further into the huddle. “Please. Just a little something. I promise I’ll make it worth your…” The voice stops for a second. “I’ll make it worth-worth your while.”

“Aww Pete. Look he says he’ll make it worth your-your while.” One of the men imitates the voice.

“You kidding me,” One of the guys says. Mickey assumes it’s Pete. “I’m not letting that get anywhere near my dick.”

“Oh come on, Pete. At least a little change.” The same guy comments. “Red, here’s probably hungry.” The man shoves the boy’s head and Mickey sees just as the man described. Red. Mickey is still left confused and shakes his head hoping it’s a coincidence. I mean there’s plenty of redheads in Chicago and what he saw didn’t look like Ian anyway. That voice he heard wasn’t really familiar either.

“You’re right,” Pete says sarcastically. “It is Christmas.” He reaches into his pocket and lowers his head close to the ground. “You hungry, red. You want some money for food.”

Mickey is closer now and he peaks his head in what room the boys left. The redhead shakes his head eagerly though still not looking up.

“Well here you go,” Pete says and the redhead finally looks up at the men.

The blood leaves Mickey’s face as he sees and recognizes, though hardly, the man’s face. It’s familiar but thinner and darkened by whatever hell this Ian went through. His eyes aren’t vibrant as the Ian’s Mickey knew. They’re pink pigmented and he has circles under his eyes darker than smoke. But his eyes grow wide just like Mickey remembers at the hope of getting money from Pete.

“Go fetch!” Pete finally says throwing the handful of what was some change but mostly lint in the other direction. Ian goes scrounging for it anyway as the men laughed harder. That snaps Mickey out of his fearful trance. He grabs Pete and throws him into the nearby wall.

“The fuck you think you’re doing?”

“Oh come on man. I’m just giving this twink some drug money.”

“Hey!” The other guys say behind Mickey. “Get off of him.”

Mickey ignores them. “That’s not what it fucking looks like,” he says to Pete. “What makes you think he’s going to use it on drugs, huh?”

Pete laughs. “Seriously, dude? Look at him.” Mickey looks towards Ian again who’s still trying to get all the change Pete threw out. He’s stunned again by the sight.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Mickey says somewhat quietly still not turning back to Pete.

“What?”

“I said, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” Mickey yells and shoves Pete the opposite way.

“Okay, man,” Pete yells out as he starts strutting away, his friends closely by him. “He’s all yours.” Pete turns around to walk face forward. Mickey hears the men snickering as they leave. Mickey walks slowly over to Ian.

“Hey,” Mickey says soothingly. “Hey, it’s me.”

Ian doesn’t hear him.

 “Look it’s going to be okay. They’re gone now.”

“Hey.” Ian looks up at Mickey and for a moment Mickey feels joy. Leave it to Ian to be the only one in this even more fucked up version of his life know who he is. “Hey what about you?” Ian asks.

Mickey is back to confused but that’s fine. Ian knows who he is. Mickey thinks. The rest he’ll figure out.

Mickey smiles. “What about me?”

Ian pockets the change he has and it’s now that Mickey realizes Ian doesn’t have any winter clothes on. Ian licks his lips and smoothes his hair back, or tries to as his coordination doesn’t seem to be fully functioning.

“I’ll suck you off.” Ian says bluntly.

“What?” Mickey questions.

“I’ll suck you off,” Ian reaches up and runs his hand up Mickey’s arm. “I’ll do it from some blow. Or a little H?”

Mickey’s hopes are shot down as soon as he got them up.

“No,” Mickey says a little too loud out of shock. He clears his throat. “No. No thanks.”

“Aw come on,” Ian struggles to get up. “I’ll make you feel so, so good.” He says half leaning on the wall half trying to pull Mickey closer to him. Ian’s hands lazily roam Mickey’s body briefly and Mickey lets him until he shakes himself out of what he was imagining and realizes what’s actually happening.

“No.” He grabs Ian’s hand to get him to stop. He turns it around and sees track marks in the inside of his elbow. “The fuck!” He shouts and pulls in Ian’s arm to look closer at the odd markings.

Ian tries to pull away. “Stop.” Ian faintly says as he tries to push Mickey away.

Mickey drops his grip on Ian’s arm and runs his hand down his face, frustrated and scared.

“Ian, what the hell is going on?”

He looks at the redhead who’s shaking his head fearful. “I don’t…I don’t know you.”

That hurts Mickey more than it should. He should be used to hearing that by now. “Yes, Ian. Yes you do.” He tries to say clearly.

Ian starts backing away, clumsily. “No, no. Leave me alone.”

“Ian, please.” Mickey struts over to Ian.

“That’s not my name.” Ian looks away and heads away from Mickey.

Mickey follows. “Yes it is! That’s your name. Your name is Ian.”

“No.” Ian shakes his head. “No one calls me that anymore.”

Ian tries to stop another man, offering a sexual act for “something nice” or “money for something nice”. The man turns him down and instead spits at his feet. Ian either ignores the distasteful action or isn’t fazed by the mistreatment anymore.

He grabs Ian’s arm again to get him to turn to him. Ian faces his attacker like a kicked dog would face it’s owner.  “Please.” Mickey says. He ignores Ian’s reaction to him and grabs the boy’s face. “Please I thought at least you would remember me!”

“No!” Ian cries out. “I don’t.” He pulls away from Mickey’s grip on his face.

“What about your family?” Mickey asks distraught.

“I don’t have a family.” Ian’s voice is cracking from tiredness and whatever emotional agony he’s suffering from. No thanks to this stranger insisting he knows him and calling him by his old name. The name he had when his life meant something.

“Yes you do. Please. Ian, listen to me.” Mickey makes a grab for the redhead again. He doesn’t want to scare him. He just wants him to understand what’s happening.

“No, no.” Ian pushes Mickey away from him and falls to the ground, shaking. “No, no, no.” He repeats, sobbing. “Please leave me alone. Please. Please. Please.” He rock himself back and forth, his arms gripping his legs close to his chest.

“Ian-“ Mickey starts.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A man asks approaching them, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Sir!” Ian looks up at the man. “Please help me. This man’s he trying to-“ Ian stops and the man looks at Mickey, curiously. “He says he knows me but I don’t know him. I don’t know him. Please help me.”

The stranger tries not to laugh. He pats Ian’s head mockingly. “Sure, sure honey.” He chuckles. “I got you.” The man helps pull Ian up to his feet. The redhead thanks the man eagerly as the stranger wraps his arm around the small frame of the boy. He winks at Mickey as if this was Mickey’s plan all along. The man moves into a crowd of people.

“Wait! Wait!” Mickey calls out. “Ian!” He starts pushing past the people causing grumbles in the crowd. “Ian stop!” Mickey shouts.

“Hey, hey. We got a problem here.” A cop says to Mickey as Mickey tries to push through the crowd.

“No we don’t.” Mickey says to the cop then shouts past him. “Ian!”

“Hey why don’t you get out of here?”

“Excuse me?” Mickey turns back to the cop.

“You heard me. I saw what you were doing to that kid. Leave him alone.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Oh I think I do.”

“Hey!” The man shouts behind Mickey and motions for whoever he was calling to to come over. Mickey sees another man in a similar getup approaching them.

 _I can’t do this._ Mickey thinks. _Where the hell is James?_ Mickey backs in an area so he’d have a quick escape if need be. The cop leaves Mickey briefly to meet up with the other. He thinks to make a break for it now but he doesn’t have a clear shot to safety yet.

The cops approach him carefully wearing awkward smiles on their faces.

“We’ve been getting a few complaints about you.” The cop Mickey first bumped into says.

“What?”

“Yeah you’ve been causing a bit of a rocus in the southside, huh?”

Mickey looks around trying to find a way to get out of this situation that doesn’t involve something  illegal.

“I don’t know what-“

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” The other cop says, approaching Mickey cautiously, talking to him like a small child. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get you in a place that’s good for people like you.”

“People like me? What the fuck does that mean?”

“Hey, hey,” The man holds his hands up. “We don’t mean to be distasteful. Just people with psychological troubles.”

“Psychological troubles?” Mickey stares at the cops. “I…” Mickey starts to try to explain himself but the cops get closer and closer. _Ah fuck._ Mickey thinks. _Illegal it is._ He sees his opportunity to flee behind him but he needs a distraction. A quick one.

The one cop that was talking to Mickey like a child is closest. Mickey punches him square in the face causing him to fall down on the ground. The other cop, shocked by this, runs over to who Mickey just punched as Mickey makes his escape.

“Get him! Get him!” The cop on the ground yells as the other one stands back up and watches Mickey run away from them.

“Get down!” The standing cop tells the crowd as he shoots in the direction Mickey is running. Once. Twice. Three times. Luckily the cop is a crap shot and Mickey is already too far ahead to give the man a clear target.


	7. Back Home

Mickey runs as fast as his feet can carry him. He runs away from the cops, from the terrifying idea of that version of Ian, from this nasty world he didn’t want to know any more. He makes his way to the L that he was at earlier this night.

“James! James!” He yells grabbing on to the rails of the L stop. He breaks down by the tracks. “Help me. I don’t want to be in this world anymore. Please. Help me James.” He starts sobbing. “I want to live again. I want to live again. Please, God. Let me live again.”

The snow starts falling and someone is heard yelling.

It becomes clearer.

“Mickey! Mick!” Kev yells.

He moves towards Mickey and grabs onto his shoulder.

“Mick-“

Mickey turns around. “Get back Kev or I’ll punch you in the fucking face I swear to God”

“Yo Mickey what the fuck are you yelling for?”

“Mickey- Wait. Kev you know me?”

“Know you? Of course I know you. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Mickey begins to smile bright as a wave of relief washes over him.  

“Hey you sure you’re okay, man? Your mouth’s bleeding.” Kevin points out.

“My mouth’s bleeding?” Mickey touches his lips and pulls his hand back and sure enough there was blood there from when he got punched earlier in the night. And hey his jaw was sore again. “My mouth’s bleeding!” Mickey exclaims. He then remembers the picture he kept in his pocket.

“Ian’s picture. Ian’s picture.” He says fumbling in his pocket. He finds it recognizing the texture of the photo. “There it is! What do you know that! Merry fucking Christmas!” He jumps up and grabs Kevin, moving him aside excitedly as he runs past Kevin back to their neighborhood

He runs to the Gallagher home shouting “Merry Christmas” to every goddamn building and every person he sees on the way there.

He barges through the house yelling out the names of all the Gallaghers. A man in a suit introduces himself.

“I bet that’s a warrant for my arrest? Isn’t it great I’m going to jail!” He yells happily to the shock of the men in the room. “Any of you seen Ian? Ian Gallagher?”

“Mickey?” Someone calls out.

Mickey turns to see his brother. “Iggy!” Mickey yells, taking the space between him and his siblings in a few strides. “You’re alive.” He lets out.

“Course I’m alive, dumbass. Where you been? Ian’s been worried sick.”

“Ian? Ian’s okay?”

“Well yeah sure he’s okay. I mean besides going in ever goddamn corner of Southside looking for you.”

Just then the door opens and someone comes rushing in. Mickey wastes no time seeing who it is. He walks towards the entryway and sees someone hurriedly pulling off their coat and putting it in a heap of clothing by the floor. He takes his hat off and Mickey sees bright red. “Ian.” He says quietly to himself. He runs towards Ian, grabbing his face and kissing him every way he can.  

“Oh fuck. You have no idea how good it is to see you. Oh god.” Mickey doesn’t want to cry but he just fucking might. “I love you so much. I swear I don’t care what happens.”

“Mickey. Mickey.” Ian says repeatedly as Mickey kisses him.

“I’ll go to jail fuck it I don’t care as long as you’re here and you’re okay. I fuck…Ian.”

Ian pulls away from Mickey, smiling proudly. “Don’t you worry about that.” He runs over to the coffee table. He grabs it and throws all the stuff that covered it off the table.

“It’s a miracle,” Ian continues. “It’s a fucking miracle.”

He pulls the table over to the center of the house, moving chairs and the couch aside. Mickey can’t stop kissing his face, his goddamn beautiful face. Ian lets him too busy smiling about whatever news he knew. He motions Iggy over to open the door and a flood of people come rushing in. People both Mickey and Ian knew, some they helped along the way in their life and some just friends they had. They lay down on the table bills; some large some small, checks, change, anything that counted as money.

Kev comes in with V and their two kids, smiling at the two boys. “I’m so glad we found you Mick. Ian here is a miracle worker. He got all these people together. All he did was go around telling people you were in trouble and they donated at the drop of a hat, man.” Kev takes a big pillowcase and tosses its contents onto the table. More bills pile the table. Mickey is in awe as Ian kisses him sweetly on the cheek.

More people come in within minutes throwing money on the table. Eventually all the Gallaghers make their way back to the home, Debbie and Liam are the first to hug Mickey and the rest join him and Ian behind the table, receiving the generous donations from their neighbors. The police officer even comes and gives Mickey the gift of a torn warrant for his arrest as he make his way in and out of the now fully formed crowd.

Soon a loud uproar is heard as someone makes their way into the house. Mickey can’t make out who it is for the longest time. But then he sees them, his sister, right in front of him, looking happy and healthier than ever.

“Mandy!” Mickey says, eyes wide, almost welling up with tears. “Mandy.” He repeats.

“Hey, Mickey. Ian told me you were in trouble.” She holds out a check. “We’ve been doing well and I know you’re a shitface for never accepting money from me when you know you can use it. So take this as all the times I’ve tried to give you money and you wouldn’t accept it huh?” Mandy hands him a check. It alone practically cover the amount of money Colin lost.

“Jesus Christ, Mandy you shouldn’t”

“Just shut up and take it.” Mandy says.

Mickey looks at it and then looks back at his sister. “Fuck. You didn’t have to come all the way down here though.”

“Sure I did. You think I’m not gonna be there for my brother when he’s going through some shit? Ian told me what happened this afternoon. I got on a train as soon as I could.”

“Fuck. Mandy I don’t know what to-“

“Don’t say anything. This is my thanks.”

“For what?”

“For always being there for me.” She says. Mickey smiles and pulls his sister in for a tight hug.

Debbie starts playing a familiar Christmas tune on the piano and everyone starts singing along.

They’re on the second verse of _Hark the Herald Angels Sing_ when Colin runs in, out of breath.

“I got it! I got it!” He tries to yells as he simultaneously tries to breath correctly.

“Got what?” Mandy asks.

“The money I thought I lost. I fucking found it.”

“What happened to it?” Mickey questions.

“The fucking Alderman brothers. I bumped into them earlier today. I totally forgot about it. They must’ve snuck it off me on my way to the bank.”

“How do you know?” Iggy asks.

“I was retracing my steps again. I stopped at Tommy’s. Saw one of them there and then I remembered I saw them earlier today. Checked the older one’s pocket. My fucking envelope with all the money in it was sitting right in the pocket of his fucking coat.”

“What’d you do?”

“Just took it and left. Felt I should get more people to teach them a lesson on stealing from a Milkovich.”

“Fuck yeah!” Iggy yells as he goes to follow Colin out the door.

“Wait!” Mickey stops them. “Just. It’s Christmas. Life is good. Let’s just enjoy each other.” Mickey says, though he gets weird stares from his brother for a brief moment, they listen.

“Yeah. We’ll fuck them up tomorrow.” Ian jokes, nudging Mickey in the side with his elbow. More like Mickey and Ian were going to lay in bed late into the day, Mickey cuddled around Ian, vowing to never let him go.

Ian leans over and whispers to Mickey. “Guess we got enough to cover the lost money and then some huh?”

 “Shit you kidding?” Mickey says. “We got enough to cover that and to feed ourselves enough to not have to work for a few months.”

Ian laughs and it’s like the purest music to Mickey’s ears. A far cry from the version of Ian he saw not so long ago.

 

Mickey looks all around him, the smiling people, the laughing people. All there because of him. The man he loves right by his side and his family surrounding him. “You see, Mickey,” a voice says to him in his head. “You really do have a wonderful fucking life.”

Just then a bell on the Gallagher tree starts ringing. Liam pulls on Mickey’s shirt, pointing to the ornament that’s making the ringing noise. “My teacher says,” Liam tells Mickey. “Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.”

Mickey grins widely. “That’s right, Liam. That’s right.” Mickey looks up into the sky. “Atta boy, James.” He winks as he grabs Ian and holds him tightly to him as they both sing the next tune Debbie plays loud enough for all to hear and everyone else joins with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is probably rushed. I just wanted to finish before I went to bed Christmas eve ha. It's 2am uhhg.   
> I'll probably re-edit by next year lol.


End file.
